Birthday Cake
Birthday Cake

I don’t know about everyone else, but my birthday used to be my favorite day in the entire world.  I love cake and candles individually so any day that combines both cake AND candles well that’s a no brainer.  However after turning 30, birthdays just seem to loom.  Another wrinkle, another year I haven’t accomplished what I wanted and more time ticking by.

This year I didn’t want to celebrate, I wanted to retreat into the comforts of all things wonderful: cake, pizza, and Mary Poppins.  I enjoyed my day snuggled up in a down comforter nest on my couch. While this lack of activity provided me with a surge of happiness, I was still left confused as I blew out my candle. Being overly romantic and the world’s greatest over thinker it took me a good minute to blow out my candle while I contemplated the perfect birthday wish. What did I want this year?  My mind filled with all of my wish requirements: Make sure it is realistic, sensible, somewhat idealistic, and not materialistic. Then things got really crazy up in my head and I wont go into the details. The beautiful cake was covered in gooey candle wax and my husband glared at me with a just blow out the damn candle face. I quickly blew the flickering light out, no wishes made.

So now what is my birthday wish. I think above all I want to believe it is possible to cultivate change in my life. It is so easy to fall into my old patterns.  I love to repeat old failures again and again, the worst of which is blaming others for my mistakes. The ease as which I return to these habits really amazes me. Can I really fundamentally shift? Is it even possible?

I am the queen of complaining and taking my life for granted.  Often blogs and social media are a place where we all share just the perfect clips of our lives.  And like most people my highlight real of this year looks pretty freaking peachy. But for once I just want to be honest and address my own struggles with issues of self-doubt, depression, and insecurities. I am trying to be more honest, I want my blog to be a positive place but also I want to tell the truth. I visited 11 countries this past year but I also just about gave my husband an aneurism with my constant mood swings and whims. So thank you my love for dealing with me!

Another year done and dusted and while I did not accomplish 90% of what I wanted during the past 365 days, we can always say 10% is better than 0%?

After math
After math

So just a little gratitude for a few small things that did happen today. My favorite makeup brand is now almost in the USA. It looks like its coming to Nordstrom. THANK YOU CHARLOTTE TILBURY for making a little birthday wish come true.

Tomorrow another post will be up on Asia!

 

Cheers Loves

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